irony

I was going to take a picture... actually, I DID take a picture of how ridiculous my living room looks right now. Just being in here is making me feel all twitchy. I can't really attribute this feeling to the pregnancy, because I'm pretty sure I would feel this way regardless, but I doubt all of these hormones that are making me want to nest and sort and clean help any. So I was sitting here looking at the explosion of crap that is my home at this moment and I thought "I should document this and share it with my adoring fans".

Then I went into my computer junk drawer to get the hook-up cable for my digital camera and remembered that it is packed and buried somewhere in one of the multitudes of white plastic hampers lining the periphery of the room. And I do not feel like hunting that little booger down. Cause that process of moving and rifling and digging through things would make everything look even worse in here, if possible.

So, sorry fans. No picture for you.

movin' on up

My mom came up to Athens with me this Sunday to help us begin the process of moving. Now, mind you, we don't actually move (like... take our stuff from one house to another... you know... the typical moving situation) until next week. But for such a small apartment, we have managed to accumulate a lot of stuff. Fortunately for us, my mother is a master sorter/packer. So we sorted. We made piles of trash, piles for our "swap party" that we are going to host in June, piles to move when we get our keys on Tuesday, piles to take to Goodwill. We managed to get through the entire living room, kitchen, bathroom, and even some of our terrifying closets in just one afternoon. After we had exhausted our floor space (and our motivation), we decided that we had done enough for the day. I feel alot better about the progress that Joe and I will be able to make on our own next week (since I can't do a whole lot of heavy lifting) before we have the help of my family and maybe some kind friends (we'll feed you... and give you beer...) on Sunday. But of course Joe decided while I was gone for the week (I decided to come home with Mom so that he could study and I could head down to the beach early with them tomorrow) that he should get a loveseat from some of his friends and stick it in the living room amongst all of the hampers, baskets, boxes, and trash bags that I am fairly certain he has not taken out. So now we have even less floor space... and even more to move. I haven't seen how he managed to get the loveseat in our living room, but I am so glad to not be living in that room right now. Fortunately, when I get back to Athens we will be getting the keys to our new place so we can get some of our cra... ahem... beloved belongings out of one tiny space and into one slightly larger space. With a nursery!

Speaking of which, Mom and I have done some fabric shopping for said nursery while I've been home. I had been thinking about doing a pretty conservative, neutral, calming yellow and grey color theme... and then I saw this fabric grouping that I fell in love with. And it is not grey. Or yellow. Or calm, for that matter. It is actually turquoise and lime green. And I love it. Check out this nursery... now, the paint color is a lot more extreme than I am going to do, but I think the room is so much fun. And we Caldwells are nothing if not fun.

may day! may day!

I have officially survived recital and am now somewhat unemployed for the next few months. (I say somewhat because there is a possibility of private lessons, summer camp assistance, and a workshop in July... however, even with all of those things my working life will be much slimmer until August or September... at which point I will be, by the way, rotund.) But May seems to be on a mission to make itself truly intimidating, calendar-wise. Already we are out of town every single weekend until the second week of June. Want to hear about all of our plans? Of course you do.

1. This weekend: Sanjeet in Atlanta celebrating the engagement of one of Joe's college friends (their family is Indian and so are having a traditional party of food and music celebrating her sister's wedding... her sister ever-so-kindly offered to make it an engagement party as well since their family from Indian will all be here... fun cultural experience here we come!). Davidson's Fine Arts Festival on Saturday. Fabric shopping and sorting/packing/cleaning/purging/freaking out about moving with Mom on Sunday.
2. Next weekend: Margaret's wedding at Fripp!
3. The following week/weekend: New keys to 2 bedroom apartment on Tuesday, Tricia's graduation on Wednesday, Marcus and Mackenzie's wedding somewhere in south Georgia (St. Mary's?) on Saturday, finishing our move on Sunday.
4. And then... o/b appointment Tuesday and leaving for NYC with the siblings Wednesday.

Does pregnancy increase risks of severe freak-out due to over-scheduling life?

random things

1. Random tomato plant. Last year, Joe and I decided to try out a little patio garden using big plant tubs and hearty (read: difficult to kill even if you suck at plants) veggie plants. We planted a bunch of tomatoes and peppers and such and actually had a decent (if useless) harvest. However, we didn't keep up with it and slowly but surely our plants died and the plant tubs became big old eyesore tubs o' dirt. But now, the arrival of spring has brought about unexpected new life... and not just for me! HA! One of the tubs has sprouted what looks suspiciously like a tomato plant. Too bad we will KILL IT when we move in a few weeks.

2. Random washer and dryer from God (AKA Joe's fabulous cousins). As some of you know, part of the reason why Joe and I are moving out of our lovely one bedroom abode is because we can no longer deal without a washer and dryer in our homes. We have fortunately been able to mooch off of wonderful people for most of our 2 year stint here, but the time has come for us to be grown-ups and have our very own means of doing laundry on a regular basis (and OMG I might actually get to wash our sheets!). So we are moving into an apartment that, although it does not have a W/D of its very own, has the hook-ups to make owning one a possibility. I had been looking at Craig's List hoping to find a set that was A) white, and not that awful beige-y color of really old appliances, B) only moderately dinged or scratched up, and C) CHEAP. Then yesterday I got a voice mail during dress rehearsal from Joe's cousin (in-law) Whitney saying that they were remodeling their downstairs bathroom and laundry area and "hey would we LIKE A WASHER AND DRYER FOR FREE and oh by the way you can HAVE OUR INFANT CAR SEAT TOO." Um, yes please? Thanks.
(No really, thank you profusely Richard and Whit. You are lifesavers and basically wonderful people.)

3. Random whole lot of people coming to recital. Since Joe graduates tomorrow, his whole family will be in town for the weekend and are all coming to see the Saturday night show, along with my parents and sisters, my grandmother, and her friend Bobby. It's exciting to have so many cheerleaders in the audience to see all of my hard work from the past year. I am so proud of my kids and can't wait to show them off!

4. Random free baby pictures. Kat Birkbeck, who is awesome and did the pictures for my wedding (and also happens to be a friend from my college dancing days), is doing the photography for my dear friend Margaret's beach wedding in a few weeks. To help them both out, we offered to let Kat stay with us at the beach house and not have to worry about booking a hotel or renting a place at Fripp (our house is on Harbor Island, two islands and about a 5 minute drive away). Kat was so excited to have somewhere convenient to stay that she offered to take some pictures of Joe and I at the beach as a token of thanks. Once we found out about Tumor, however, she said that she would gladly do newborn photos for us instead! That way we all won't be rushed during Margaret's wedding weekend and we get beautiful pictures of our little one when he/she makes their debut into the world! Kat rocks my world. No seriously, if you didn't click on her link above, do it now. And find a reason to have her take pictures of you.

things i have learned about pregnancy in the last week

1. When you KNOW you are pregnant, you suddenly start to notice all of those little symptoms more than when you were (maybe happily) in the dark. For instance, is it coincidental that now even the mere thought of hamburgers makes me get all watery-mouthed and gaggy? Joe thinks I'm trying to milk it a little (no baby pun intended), but really I am just suddenly very much aware of my body in a way that I never have been before.

2. That baby is growing FAST! From last week, it has grown from the size of a prune (which is kinda gross, if you ask me) to a plum. Also, it's weird that there is something the size of a plum moving around inside of me and I can't feel it yet.

3. Babies are measured by produce. On every website, in every book. Baby = fruits and veggies. A friend of mine has actually made a cute little pregnancy calendar following your baby through the produce department of your local Kroger. (She also does paintings and murals... check her out!)

4. I have to go to the bathroom all. the. time. It's annoying. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that normally I have a bladder of steel. I used to go in the morning and then not again until after school. Now, I feel like I need to set up a little cot in there some night. I hear that this will go away and then come back EVEN WORSE. I will add that to my list of things to look forward to.

5. Joe is not interested in talking about the baby all the time. He is actually capable of thinking of something else for hours, if not DAYS, at a time. I think something may be wrong with him.

6. I, on the other hand, am always willing to talk about the baby. For instance, did you know that at this point the baby has fully developed all of its internal systems and now just uses the rest of the 28 weeks to mature and grow like crazy? And, oh yeah, I think I'm going to use yellow and grey for the nursery. Speaking of nursery, how early do you think I should look at getting furniture? And should it be white or dark wood? Oh, that reminds me that I need to make a list of things to ask my o.b. at our next appointment...

weblink... thursday?

So, I was a bit distracted yesterday (see previous post) and forgot that I actually did have a pretty good link for Weblink Wednesday. Someone sent this along through the Pawtropolis email list, and I thought it was hysterical and very heart-warming. I mean, really... what a cute couple.

tumor

Yesterday I went in for my follow up appointment with my ob/gyn. Apparently my lab results had come back showing some oddly high hormone levels that they couldn't explain. The nurse practitioner that I had been seeing didn't really explain to me what they would be looking for, just that I would see Dr Goggin for the first time in order to get an ultrasound of my ovaries. So, needless to say I was very nervous as I waited for him to come into the ultrasound room (which was humongous, by the way). When he finally came in, he explained to me that they were looking for what they call a "zebra" in the medical world. The metaphor is that if you hear hoofbeats behind you, most people assume it's a horse, but every now and again it might be a zebra. My particular zebra was an estrogen producing tumor on my ovaries. Dr. Goggin assured me that he did not actually expect one to be there, but he wanted to rule it out (that was where I stopped listening and started imagining my horrible death at the age of 25). So I climbed up on the table, pulled up my shirt and waited anxiously as he got me ready for the ultrasound (goo and all). As soon as the little gizmo touched my skin, he pulled it back and started laughing. In my head, I was still figuring out the logisitics of my funeral and so failed to see the humor of the situation. He explained that it was "not exactly a tumor", but that I was, in fact, pregnant.

Um.

What?!?

I think I asked him (through streaming tears) if he was kidding about 8 times. Even after he put the gizmo back on my gooey belly and showed me the little peanut. I watched the rest of the ultrasound through my hands over my face, still crying, still occasionally making sure this wasn't some awful elaborate prank. Dr. Goggin was still laughing and shaking his head, claiming to be the worst ob/gyn EVER... a young woman comes in with no periods and high estrogen and OF COURSE it must be a tumor.

I think we all got so fixated on my non-pregnancy as a fact that no one, including myself, ever considered taking another pregancy test. Although, I figure now that I could have ovulated (and did, obviously) at any point, since I didn't have a regular cycle. Ironically, it was probably the week after I took my last negative test that I actually did get pregnant. So when I went in for my first appointment, I told them I had just taken a number of negative tests, all negative, so there was no need to give me another. Go figure.

So all of this mean that I am now nearly through my first trimester (!!!). Everyone keeps asking me if I didn't notice any symptoms or changes... and I just don't think they understand how sure I was that I was not pregnant. And that it was going to be a challenge to GET pregnant. So sure, looking back now, I can see that certain things were probably symptoms. And it certainly explains why the waistbands of my jeans have been getting snug in the last few weeks. But nothing was so severe that I couldn't dismiss it or ignore it. Which I guess means I have been lucky... no major morning sickness, no crippling exhaustion, no aches and pains. I'm hoping that is a forecast for an easy pregnancy!

It is not many people, I am sure, that go from expecting to find the worst to seeing the best. The flip-flop my brain had to do from tumor to baby was tremendous, and the moment that I saw my first child was completely surreal and nearly incomprehensible. The shock is wearing off, but slowly. One of the nice parts about discovering Little Tumor so late into the pregnancy is that I have already been able to share this joy and amazement with so many of my friends and family. Needless to say, I definitely have a new moment to add to the "best moments of my life" list.

And I can't wait to meet our Little Tumor in person in November!