never grow a wishbone

This brings to mind the letter I posted before that Tina Fey wrote to her daughter, just in a little more serious tone.  I love things like this that encourage strength and ambition and spunk in little girls.  As much as I enjoy watching Disney princess movies with Laine and hearing her sing Part of Your World at the top of her little lungs, I never want her to feel that she has to change herself to find love. 

For My Daughter

By Sarah McMane
“Never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.” – Clementine Paddleford
Never play the princess when you can
be the queen:
rule the kingdom, swing a scepter,
wear a crown of gold.
Don’t dance in glass slippers,
crystal carving up your toes --
be a barefoot Amazon instead,
for those shoes will surely shatter on your feet.
Never wear only pink
when you can strut in crimson red,
sweat in heather grey, and
shimmer in sky blue,
claim the golden sun upon your hair.
Colors are for everyone,
boys and girls, men and women --
be a verdant garden, the landscape of Versailles,
not a pale primrose blindly pushed aside.
Chase green dragons and one-eyed zombies,
fierce and fiery toothy monsters,
not merely lazy butterflies,
sweet and slow on summer days.
For you can tame the most brutish beasts
with your wily wits and charm,
and lizard scales feel just as smooth
as gossamer insect wings.
Tramp muddy through the house in
a purple tutu and cowboy boots.
Have a tea party in your overalls.
Build a fort of birch branches,
a zoo of Legos, a rocketship of
Queen Anne chairs and coverlets,
first stop on the moon.
Dream of dinosaurs and baby dolls,
bold brontosaurus and bookish Belle,
not Barbie on the runway or
Disney damsels in distress --
you are much too strong to play
the simpering waif.
Don a baseball cap, dance with Daddy,
paint your toenails, climb a cottonwood.
Learn to speak with both your mind and heart.
For the ground beneath will hold you, dear --
know that you are free.
And never grow a wishbone, daughter,
where your backbone ought to be.

i'll be back

I promise I will return to blogging eventually... one of these days.  It is something that I so enjoy doing and yet I find that it consistently slips to the bottom of my priority list.  A list that is mighty lengthy these days, hence the long absence.  I HAVE managed to keep up with the rest of my new years goals this year though and have missed only a handful of days posting on my tumblr photo-a-day page.  I have also been writing in my question-a-day journal every night before bed, have stuck to a consistent workout and diet plan and lost a little over 30 pounds (I've been wanting to blog about that whole "journey" for a while now... it will probably be my next "real" entry), I ran a 5K and am registered for another one next weekend, I'm doing another musical with Town and Gown Players... my plate is full and my life is fuller.

Yep, fuller.

natural

I don't think that I am a "natural" when it comes to parenting.  For a while I thought that the whole instant, all-consuming, blinding love as soon as your baby was handed off into your arms was a myth, some part of the whole mommy-guilt package, something you were "supposed to feel" but that no one ever really did.  But now, after having more friends have children of their own and say without hesitation that they did in fact have those feelings, I realize that I was wrong.  I just didn't feel that way.  I've talked about this before, especially after having Laine, and I always have a pang of guilt writing about it.  Don't get me wrong, I felt a fierce kind of motherly love that I never experienced before the second I knew I was pregnant, let alone when I finally got to see my little ones face to face.  But it felt more instinctual, more like protectiveness and ownership, less like "love".  It took me weeks, even months, to fall in love with my babies as little people rather than just my offspring.

So, no, I don't count myself among the "naturals".  But what I know I am is a GOOD mommy.  Because while I may not have fallen head over heart over heels with my little pink, squalling, cone-headed newborns, I really and truly LIKE my children.  I find the experience of parenting fascinating, almost like an incredibly consuming but equally as rewarding hobby.  I devour parenting magazines and books, scour calendars and websites for activities we can all enjoy together, delight in other people's stories and experiences and pictures.  I feel genuine excitement when we get new toys and clothes and books for the kids, and I love rediscovering things from my childhood that I can share with them (I spent hours on ebay over the past few days trying to find Disney DVDs for Laine).

So while the patience and the sweetness that seems to come so easily to some other mothers may not be natural to me, I can honestly say that I enjoy the time I spend with my kids.  I feel like I know them now, better than I've ever known anyone else in my life.  Laine is smart, charming, funny, precocious, and full of spunk.  Lawton is a ball of joy, independent and wiggly, ready with a smile from the moment he wakes up in the morning.  And they both have brought more joy into my life than I even imagined as they blinked up into my eyes for the first time.

letter to lawton

Dear Lawton,

First of all, thank you for overlapping your nap with your sister today allowing me time to even consider writing a blog entry.  Much appreciated, bubs.

The past four months have been such a whirlwind around here adjusting to adding you into our little house and into our lives.  For the most part you have been quite cooperative and I feel like we have yet again won the baby lottery.  Both you and your sister have been champion sleepers starting at around 3 months and I could not be more grateful for that.  It's amazing how much more confident and HUMAN I feel on a solid night's sleep (although we do need to discuss this recent 5:30am wake time you've started trying out...).  We kept you in our room for longer than we did with her (mostly since your bedrooms are so close together) and you slep in your bouncy seat for a while once we moved you to your nursery, but you have now adjusted nicely to sleeping in your crib every night and even for some of your naps! 

You're a much better eater than Laine was, which you proved by weighing in the 90th percentile at your 2 month check up.  You were back down to the 50th at your 4 month appointment but seem determine to make up the loss with a growth spurt this week which has you wanting to eat close to every 2 and a half hours again.  I'll take the trade if you keep sleeping 10-12 hours a night!  I'm confident that we will be able to stick with nursing exclusively this time, which is very exciting for me and your daddy (and our wallets... formula ain't cheap, buddy boy!).

You just started trying out Laine's old jumper and your new johnny jump-up that hangs in the doorway and you seem to love the new perspective.  You're strong and independent already and love being able to be in on the action with your big sister in a whole new way.  Speaking of which, you ADORE your sister already (and the feeling seems to be mutual so far).  If you're having a fit, she can instantly calm you.  If you're playing near her on the floor, your eyes are glued on her.  I think she even got your first official smile!  There is nothing I love more than watching the two of you together and I can't wait to see your relationship grow.

Your other new favorite thing is screaming.  LOUDLY.  You scream when you're happy, sad, tired, frustrated, amused, excited, you name it.  It is your new vocalization of choice.  Most of the time it's pretty funny, but every now and then Laine and I BOTH are asking you to knock it off!  Laine reminds you often of the "no screaming in the house" rule, but you don't seem willing to play along.

I'm not gonna lie, I'm relieved to be moving out of the newborn phase into infancy.  I love watching new expressions grace your sweet little face and hearing new sounds (minus the screaming) escape your mouth.  I love watching you start to notice and explore your surroundings, grabbing onto toys, chewing on everything you can get your hands on, and even rolling over for the first time yesterday!  I also love seeing the many ways you have changed our little family:  I enjoy watching your daddy with a new little baby- his first SON!- and seeing Laine grow into such a special, helpful big sister.  And most of all, I am just so glad to be your mommy. You are and will always be my little handsome man.

I love you very much,
Mommy

gc365

Hey family, friends, followers, infrequent readers, and stumbled-upon-by-accident-ers!  In honor of the fast-approaching end of the year I have done some thinking about what I wanted my resolution(s) to be for 2012.  I have already gotten halfway through the Ease Into 5K program, registered for a 5K at the end of January, AND am trying to consistently maintain a food diary with MyFitnessPal, so I felt that any kind of health and fitness related goal would be a little redundant (although of course maintenance will be key in 2012).  So I started thinking of other projects I would like to undertake and LO, unto me a new blog project was born!  And I laid it in a tumblr, wrapped it in a fancy template, and called it gc365.  My goal is to document my daily life through photos, one a day for at least a year.  A lot of people have done this "project 365" and had albums on facebook, but posting to Tumblr directly from my iPhone (yeah, I'm super fancy, y'all) is really ridiculously easy and I am all about simplicity when it comes to sticking with something.  SO.  I'll still be posting here as regularly as I can manage, but feel free to follow along with me on my photo journey as well... and prepare yourself for gratuitous cute kiddo photography, probably via Instagram.  What can I say, they rock a filtered photo.

adventures of bubba and the bug

(A beginning draft of a children's book I've been ruminating on...)

One day (probably a Wednesday), Bubba and the Bug set out on a grand adventure.

Now in most books about grand adventures, you begin with an "unlikely pair".  But Bubba and the Bug are about as likely as they come because, you see, they are brother and sister.

Bug is the fearless leader of the two, a singer, dancer, painter, lover of pink and voice of many a stuffed bear.

She's mostly the fearless leader because Bubba is a baby.

Most grand adventures also involve a great deal of complicated traveling, but Bubba and the Bug had nap times to consider, so for this grand Wednesday, travel was limited to wherever Fancy Car might take them In Town.

The Bug surveyed the land from her Special Seat and announced to Bubba that the adventures of the day would begin with errands.

But both were disappointed about the decidedly non-adventure-y feeling of errand running.

(What should Bubba and the Bug do next?  What do you think?)

letter to my (TWO YEAR OLD) girl

Laine,

Today I was folding and sorting some of Lawton's laundry, pulling out the newborn onesies and sleepers that are now too small.  As I placed them in their own little pile to be relegated to the attic I had to stop and catch my breath for a moment thinking of you, my big, beautiful, smart and sassy little girl, fitting into those same newborn onesies only two years ago.  Only two years and yet... two whole years!  I think only a parent can understand how a length of time can seem so long and so distant and yet have flown by.  I remember so clearly the doctor's appointment when I learned you existed, then standing on the balcony of our tiny one bedroom apartment going through my contact list to let everyone know I was PREGNANT (oh the joy and the terror and the triumph and the anticipation and the anxiety and the excitement wrapped into those eight letters).  And then 39 long/short weeks later, laboring for so long in the hospital and finding out you were a girl (!!!).  I remember bringing you home (to a TWO bedroom apartment), watching you grow, filled with anxiety and wonder and pride, moving you into our first home as a family, seeing you learn to crawl, start to speak, take your first steps...and all of this was just in one year.  And now you're two.

In your second year I found out I was pregnant again in January and had your brother on September 1st (it's been quite a year for both of us, sweetpea).  You went from being my only child to being my first.  And you became a big sister.  If I was proud of you before, I don't know the word to describe the swell of emotions I feel as I watch you with your brother.  Whenever people hear how close in age you two are they always ask me how you're doing... if you're gentle with the baby, if you're a good helper, how you've handled the changes.  My response is always the same:  you're a rock star.

Being a big sister is not the only thing at which you are excelling (and blowing Mommy's mind with).  Holy smokes, girl, are you SMART.  Your vocabulary has skyrocketed and your diction is truly impressive.  Even your pediatrician looked at me across the exam table with raised eyebrows when you started talking to him.  You speak in full sentences, connecting thoughts in way that sometimes surprises me.  (When I got pulled over on our way home from Augusta - NOT for speeding... apparently I didn't slow down enough when passing a police car - you were entranced by the police officer ("the man" as you referred to him) and asked if he was "like Robert", a police horse in a book we hadn't read in weeks.)  You're funny, precocious, flirty (btw, you may want to back off of Travis a little... aunt Chelsea might be getting a little jealous), stubborn, and sweet.  You love to sing and have really remarkable pitch for a 2 year old.  You take that "dance like no one is watching" quote very literally.  You devour books like candy (which you will also devour... like... itself) and have many of your favorites memorized.  You still sleep like an angel and eat like a champ.  You are learning so much so fast about being kind and sharing and taking turns... not that you always do it, because you are a willful and spunky little goober sometimes and certainly know how to have a fit with the best of them.  But basically what I'm getting at here is that I could not have asked for a more remarkable child.

Darling daughter, I just plain adore you.  You are beautiful to me and I can assure you that you always will be.  I am so happy to have added your brother to our family, doubling our number of children but exponentially increasing our joy, but you will always be my special girl, the one that shares my middle name, my first baby.  You light up my life, warm my heart, and fill my soul.  I am so grateful to be your mother.

I love you very much.

Mommy