Because I am a new mother, and apparently poop becomes not only an appropriate topic of conversation, but a fascinating one.
1. There is something odd about a being that can only really relax AFTER it has pooped and is sitting in it.
2. If your baby does finally settle down after a successful expulsion of waste, is it cruel to leave her in what you know must be a nasty, disgusting diaper? I mean, she's sleeping. It must not be that uncomfortable.
3. Even when a baby is sitting down, poop still seems to travel upward. Onto her back. And therefore onto her onesie. Which you probably just washed.
4. Apparently you are supposed to try and maintain a pleasant expression while changing your baby's diaper so that they don't develop insecurities about their unmentionables or how they look naked or something. I'll just have to hope that my daughter understands that I think she is absolutely beautiful... only slightly less so when covered in slimy yellow poo. I would hope she will eventually be able to understand that distinction.
5. Parent's Choice baby wipes (Walmart's brand, I believe) are not as good as Pamper's. They also smell funny. Which is saying a lot when you think of what smells you have to compare them to at the time of their usage.